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Bart Simpson!


Cool quotes said by Bart from various episodes. I'll keep updating this section so check back often for more!

I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again...

trying to get the family's attention) 
I got in trouble in school today..., 

I might get expelled...

I'm just mad all the time! 
(No one is listening)

Bart: Mom! Dad! come quick! a UFO is outside my window! 
Marge: No bart, that's just an umbrella stuck on a tree. 
Bart: C-can I s-sleep w-with you g-guys tonight? 
Marge:No! 
Bart: Can I sit on the roof with a baseball bat in case a UFO Does come?

BART: ...And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt PREVENTED 
the release of toxic ga--
MARGE; (cutting him off) Bart! 


Oh, it's not so bad. Here we can spit on the floor! (He demonstrates, much to Marge's disgust) 

Aah! Mr Honeybunny! 

Wow, Mom - I never pictured you as any kind of authority figure before! 

Aw, recycling is useless, Lis! Once the sun burns out this planet is doomed. You're just making sure we spend our last days using inferior products! 

Joe's Crematorium! You kill 'em, we grill 'em! 

Joe's taxidermy, you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em! 

As much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit!

When you want grease, go to the source. Good old Krusty Burger!

Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing! 

Toreador, oh don't spit on the floor. Please use the cuspidor, that's what it's for! 

I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything. 

Nobody ever suspects the butterfly! 

Hot stuff coming through!

Wow, you really clobbered him.

This is my only refuge from the taunting accusations of the townspeople.

Listen to yourself man, you're hanging with nerds!

You're asking the wrong guy, Millhouse. They all look alike to me.

Don't have a cow, man.

Wow! Now I have the energy to do anything!... owwww!...just a second.

Hey man, don't have a cow.

Watch out, Radioactive man!

See that? I started to do like a little arabesque, but then I just fully went for it and pulled off the demi-entrechant! ... Not that I'm into that kind of thing!

You are really beautiful but you're not very nice!

Hey Lisa, I found a big deposit at the small of her back.

Why would anybody wanna touch a girls butt? That's where cooties come from!

Dad, I'm kinda edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher knife.

No offense, but what you don't know could fill a warehouse.

I know that's funny, but I'm just not laughing!

Wow! I can't believe we're going to DisneyLand.

Okay, I think I lost them. Uh, oh, a cow! Eat lead, Bossie! Listen, Tony, I need someplace to hide. Oh, this place looks good. 742 Evergreen Terrace!

Same time, same place?

Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.

Look! In the sky! It’s Superfly!

Krusty wore big floppy shoes but he's got little feet like all good-hearted people.

Part of this D-minus belongs to God!

So, you're one of those don't call me a chick, chicks eh?

Well I'll be a son of a witch.

I wanna see some birds get sucked into the engines... some rare one's!

If it was me I'd take the zero.

Cowabunga!

Aye carumba!

Eat My Shorts!

Man, captivity blows!

They'll never believe a Simpson killed a Flanders by accident.

Why the crap do we have to go to church anyway?

Wow, there is a God.

Heigh-oh, Silver, away!

I never felt this way about a girl before.

My long search is finally over.

Hi, I'm Bart Simpson. I was incredibly moved by your reading.

The great thing about Sunday school is we're finally learning something we can use.

Must fight Satan, make it up to him... later.

I was thinking of staying behind and helping teacher clean up.

There's just no pleasing a girl like that, all this behaving... I'm all tense around the chestle area.

That'll hold me, at least until I get my hands on some sort of explosive.

All right! Hear that boy?

I wanna quit and come home.

I'll die before I surrender Tim, who's Tim?

Cleaning graphite off a statue makes a mockery of everything I stand for; I don't think I can survive here Lis.

Teacher: 4 outta 5 Simpson. Not bad, but you missed your last target. Bart: Did I?

Lets see if they wore underwear back then.

Sorry, I have kind of a short fuse, which some people find charming. Speaking of charming... on FOX last night, this character was feeling rather randy and...

Homer: Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.
Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff too!

BART: Cost of favour - five cents. A mother's love - priceless. 
MARGE: Awwww...

Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old dainish!

I'm bad to the bone, honey.

Aww, man!

Selma has one hour to live!

Just relax. For once you didn't do anything wrong.

It seems like if you really care for me you would come forward.

No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am.

I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.

I can't help but notice we're leaving the hospital, when's the dog gonna get his operation?

Is there a doggy hell?

Must you embarrass me?

I'm not lazy, I'm just ... um ... uh ... Lisa, finish my sentence for me.

I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!

What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them...as is my understanding...

Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.

I am through with working. Working is for chumps!

Aww, it's my fault. I called him a dumb dog.

She's already drawn me to her with her beautiful siren song.

I'm not giving up. I don't care if I have to knock on every door in this town, I'm gonna find my dog.

If there were a medal for most horrible audience, you'd get the gold. Peace out!

Er, I'm talking to... no one.

Sorry I froze you out Lis. I just didn't want the guys to think I'd gone soft on the old girl issue.

If you quit it'd be like an expert knot tier, quitting a knot-tying contest, right in the middle of trying a knot!

But I set you free! No more nap time. No more bingo. You can do whatever you want!

Hey, I hear a foghorn: BOOOR-RRRING!

Oh right! Snow day. No school tomorrow.

Military school??? You lied to me!

Quit hogging the gun!

Freakouts?

Put up with her for another 7 years, then we'll get married and after the first baby comes she's sure to start treating me right, after all. I deserve it.

Milhouse: Hey Bart, if Lisa's better than you at hockey, does that mean you will be better at school? Bart: Maybe I will Milhouse, maybe I will.

Come watch TV with me dad, we missed the first 2 episodes of cops but if we hurry we can catch the last 3!

Lisa, certain differences, rivalries if you will have come between us. I thought we could talk it over like civilized people but instead I just ripped the head of Mr. Honeybunny!

Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day-the birth of Santa?

Oh, look, you're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice.

Toreador, oh don’t spit on the floor. Please use the cuspidor, that's what it's for!

Okay, she's gone. Let's break out of here and have some fun!

Well... Your damned if you do and you're damned if you don’t.

Homer: let go of my leg! Bart: Nooo!

I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job!

All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub.

There's only one thing to do at a moment like this, strut!

Well in my family, grades aren't important, It's what you learn that counts.

Wow! It's Fuhreriffic!

No, not the face!

No problemo!

You're gonna eat a blizzard of... unseasonable warmth.

You're out there somewhere... But where? WHERE???

Talk what over, what's there to talk about?

It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have.

Dumb dog!

Like a sock maker secretly working on a top secret sock that.......

Oh yeah, That was brilliant!

It's an insult! Sock him, Dad! Sock everybody!

it's just so hard not to listen to TV, it's spent so much more time raising us than you have.

Homer: Are you hugging the TV? Bart & Lisa: No!

No jail can hold me!

Less barking, more marking!

I didn’t do it. No one saw me do it. No one can prove anything.

But that guy founded Springfield. He built our first hospital out of logs and mud. If it weren’t for him all the settlers would have died in the great blizzard of '44.

Hep! Hep! Isa! My ungue! Hep - stuck in the eater!

Ah, the life of a frog. That’s the life for me.

With a dry cool wit like that I could be an action hero!

Catch me if you can!

Cool, I broke his brain!

My killing teacher says I'm a natural.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures.

What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?

Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing. Alright! Twelve bucks and free grub to boot! Viva Skid Row!

Man, I wish I was an adult so I could break the rules.

We're watchin' the TV.

Top of the world, ma!

The best part was when the buildings fell down.

Relax, Lis, Dad and I always have a plan B.

Why is she saying all this? Is she dying?

You probably should have researched this, eh Dad.

Let's see, he's 40 years old times 25 grand -- whoa, he's a millionaire.

So, wait a minute, this means I'm gonna be... a failure?

Gee, I'm sorry sir...

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

Dad, thanks to TV,' I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago. No, really, it's a serious problem. Ha, ha, ha! What're we laughing about?

What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

KWYJIBO - A big dumb balding, north American ape, with no chin.

Disemboweller 4, the game where condemned criminals dig at each other with rusty hooks.

Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.

Whoa, this whole planet is like one big skate park.

Meet me at the eliminator after lights out. Ps, the cadets are planning to throw their meatballs at you.

That's it Lis, Now start crawling.

Oh, let me go with you, Dad.

What's that? You want the pee bucket on your head?

Testing-Testing-Testing!!!!

I know, I'll go to my room and think about what I did.

You're the boss.

Jessica, I think this is too steep.

Me? A job? Were they serious? I didn’t realize it at the time, but a little piece of my childhood had slipped away forever.

Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill ‘em.

Three-time soapbox derby Champ Ronnie beck says, 'Poorly guarded construction sites are a gold mine.'

As much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit.

I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me, I am so great!

Yeah, Lis, she is a smart, sophisticated woman. Now, let's hear more about that big, big reward!

Please don't make me stay dad! I'll do anything you say! I'll find religion! I'll be good sometimes! 

You're a lizard!

It's amazing what some guys will do for a pretty face. Not me though! Wait 'till she sees what a second rate job I've done on these stairs!

Ohhhh...it seems everywhere I look, people are enjoying knives! 

I'm tired. I'm hungry. Can't we just get a new house?

I'll be Gus, the lovable chimney sweep. Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle. Best in all West Minster! Yeah!

Mom, Dad! I saw Sideshow Bob and he threatened to kill me!

He's gonna kill Rod and Todd too! That's horrible...in principle... 

I’ve been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty calculator didn’t have a seven or eight, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far!

And later, I’ll teach you the tricks of the trade: taping your swimsuit to your butt, putting petroleum jelly on your teeth for that frictionless smile, and the ancient art of padding.

Hey mom, look at me mom!

I'm only 10 and I already have 2 mortal enemies.

Oh yea, well... erm... what are you doing out here?

But the point is, you're gonna make it Lis and I'm gonna stick by you.

Son of a... jeez...

But who'd wanna hurt me? I'm this centuries Dennis the Menace!

Aaahhhhhh! Sideshow Bob!

You're turning me into a criminal when all I wanna be is a petty thug.

Hey wait a minute, does this have anything to do with Santa's Little helper?

You can make it Lisa, I know you can, come on I know you can do it, just get your hands back on the rope, just a little further, come on, just a little bit more, that's it just a little bit more, I know you can do it. I believe in you!

Lisa it's over. You made it!

Oh you're just jealous because you stink at sports.

What's the matter boy, don't you know me? I'm your buddy.

Sir, yes sir. Luckily I am now trained in six additional forms of unarmed combat sir!

Put it in the bank.

What are you gonna do Homer?

Grampa! He's not dead!

Way to go Homer!

Bada-bing, bada-boom!

Good luck tonight sis! I'll try not to hurt you!

I thought you came here looking for a challenge!

Jimbo: Nice PJ's Simpson, your Mommy buy them for you? Bart: Of course she did, who else would have?

I’m saved! I love being a S-s-s-s-s-Simpson.

You're gonna just let him die?

Darn right I'm upset!

We're not gonna let our dog die, and that's it!

Okay! But on my way I'm gonna be doing this, if you get hit, it's your own fault.

Ms. Krabappel... I... didn't...

I think I read somewhere that cows like being killed.

I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.

Try not to move Dad, you swallowed a lot of motor oil.

I’m glad we're stranded. It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson - only, with more cursing! We're gonna live like Kings. Damn hell ass kings.

I call the Flintstone Phone!

How about some adulation from my little sister?

Mom, will you stop showing us those!

I love you boy.

Why can't it all be marshmallow.

You go Mom, for the greater good.

Mom, how can you leave us with this maniac?

I want to be Emancipated!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... aye carumba!

Aw come on, I've seen you cry a million times. You cry when you scrape your knee, you cry when we're out of chocolate milk, you cry when you're doing long division and you have a remainder left over.

Show business sucks. I'm outta here.

Man, even your dreams are square!

You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.

You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?

Uh... she didn't say 'science', she said... 'pie pants' .

Well, Milhouse. Ready to imitate that Jackass show?

You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that? I'm insulted!

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